Damn It He's Cursing Again

Why do I -- a practicing Christian -- curse?

No, it's not because I want my words remembered, ala George Patton.

I curse because I get angry and want to express it.

I'm old enough that it was wrong to curse when I was a child, even if you weren't a Christian. I became a Christian in junior high and had that belief reinforced. I avoided all bad words. I felt ashamed and embarrassed if someone cursed in my presence.

However, I still got angry. I was shy and tried to hide my anger, but it came out anyway. It came out often in hurtful ways. This kept happening well into my adult life. I hurt those around me with my anger. Most of the time the people I hurt were those closest to me.

I finally came to terms with this. I was suppressing my anger until I finally exploded. To stop suppressing my anger I started recognizing it and dealing with it more. One of the easiest ways to deal with it is to express it. This gets it out in the open where it can be dealt with. Of course, if I express my anger by hurting others I don't really gain anything. So I yell at objects not people. I purposely say how I'm feeling. I have other strategies -- there are many times when yelling and anger expression is bad even if it's not directed at people.

About the same time I learned about how to deal with my anger, I also learned the Bible doesn't really have anything to say about cursing. Taking God's name in vain refers to taking an oath in God's name and then breaking that oath. It has nothing to do with cursing. I find no other biblical prohibition. Cursing helps me be honest about how I feel. I spent so much of my life hiding and holding back. When I suppress curse words I all too often suppress my anger and am dishonest.

I'm not saying it's just OK for me to go ballistic. The standard is to love people and inappropriate yelling is not love. But where possible, I express my anger to avoid suppression, which always ends up being worse.

Best, of course, would be to see life from God's perspective and get rid of ungodly anger. I'm working on that too. I'm very uptight (think Alan on "Two and a Half Men"). I need to learn to relax and trust God.

Now, those of you really paying attention will ask, "But Eric, you curse when you're not mad. Say, for example, your last blog entry." Yes, that's true. Remember I want to be honest. Sometimes I and many other Christians live in such a bubble. It's like if we curse God will break down and cry in shame. Bullshit! God is a big boy. He can handle it (kudos to my friend Don for this insight). I like to break that bubble. To open us up to the real world.

Another problem I've struggled with and still struggle with is pretending to be better than I am. I try to impress people with my righteousness. Cursing stops that tendency dead. Throwing out a couple of f-bombs will instantly remove any comparisons between me and Mother Teresa.

The comic Don McMillan talks about how his dad will pick on him or one of his siblings to pray at holiday meals. Since Don hasn't been to church in a while, he prays under his breath to not be picked. "Please, God, don't let him pick me to say the damn prayer. Damn! I cursed in a prayer, that can't be good. Oh, I did it again!" There was a time when I would have cringed at this. Now I think it's very funny.

Let's all lighten up a bit. Let's all be honest. If you don't like cursing, no problem. But please, don't suppress anger like I did. And don't pretend to be spiritual just because you use fewer adjectives than those around you.