I'm Only Human.

As I mention in Remastered, I become much more peaceful with who I am and what my church is. This doesn't mean it's always easy.

I also mentioned that I'm treasurer and we are struggling. Last night I did the week's finances. We, as a church are as bad off financially as we've ever been since I was treasurer. We are behind on our bills. We won't be able to pay our pastor (Don) this week. It's very depressing.

Don has repeatedly advised me to not take it personally. He's right. Still, it's hard not to. Last night I felt very depressed. Just writing this is making me feel bad again.

Part of the problem is I wish I could personally do more. However, my personal finances are very tight. That only adds to the pressure.

Despite my depression, I actually had a good night last night. My wife, Carolina, and I spent some good time together last night and have been doing a bit more of that recently. That was encouraging. There's more to life than money.

Church life has been good outside of finances. That too encourages me.

Finally, there is a real sense I'm glad I'm depressed about the church finances. I can disassociate very easily and not care about stuff and people like I should. I'm glad to see I'm only human. God doesn't call us to be super-human, only humans that follow him.